Praising God and degrading people conflict with each other because the people we speak about are made in God’s likeness. James puts the two actions side by side. The mouth that honours the Creator cannot rightly treat His creatures as worthless. Our day-to-day talk belongs to the same life as our worship.
That is a searching thought when the words we regret sounded amusing a moment earlier. We may never have meant to deny someone’s dignity. We wanted a laugh, an ally, the relief of making someone else look foolish. James asks us to notice who paid for it.
The person our words are about
We read in James 3:9–10:
“With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, this should not be!”
— James 3:9–10, Berean Standard Bible
The reason James gives matters. He does not say that we should stop because the people we curse are always kind, sensible, or correct. He points to their Maker. Their dignity does not depend on whether we admire them.
James speaks about cursing. Mockery that treats someone as beneath consideration belongs under the same searching light. There is a difference between laughing together and making another person’s humiliation the entertainment. Humour itself is not the enemy. Contempt is.
Someone’s mistakes may need to be named. Their claims may need to be challenged. They still do not become a lesser kind of person. A political opponent, an irritating colleague, and a stranger whose comment annoys us all remain people made in God’s likeness.
James follows this contradiction with a spring, a fig tree, and a grapevine (James 3:11–12). We expect a spring’s water and a tree’s fruit to fit their source. Yet we grow accustomed to a mismatch in ourselves: reverence when speaking to God, contempt when speaking about someone He made.
That mismatch deserves repentance, even when everyone in the room laughed.
Small words can guide a conversation
James has already compared the tongue to a horse’s bit and a ship’s rudder. Something small directs something much larger. Then he changes the picture: a small spark can set a forest alight (James 3:3–6).
A remark can seem too brief to matter while helping set the terms of a whole conversation. Once someone has been given a degrading nickname, it becomes easier to dismiss whatever they say. Others learn what gets a laugh and repeat it. The original speaker may move on long before the label does.
We cannot always know how far a remark will travel or how long it will be remembered. “It was only a few words” tells us very little about the harm it may have done.
James begins the chapter by warning teachers about their responsibility, then includes himself in the admission that everyone stumbles (James 3:1–2). His seriousness gives us no place to stand above everyone else. We need to hear the warning before using it to assess another person’s speech.
Speaking truth without making someone small
Does that mean Christians ought not to criticise? James’s own letter rules that out. He directly confronts destructive conduct. Later in this chapter he names jealousy and selfish ambition, and calls their results disorder and evil (James 3:13–18).
Truthful correction can be an act of service to a person. Responsible reporting can protect others. Saying that conduct is wrong is different from treating the person responsible as worthless. A warning about contempt must never become a demand to hide wrongdoing or keep quiet about harm.
Consider the difference between “He changed the figures, and that needs to be investigated” and “He’s a useless excuse for a human being.” The first names conduct that can be examined. The second attacks the person’s worth. Removing that insult does not weaken the concern.
The wisdom James commends is pure, peace-loving, gentle, merciful, and sincere. Those qualities help us ask what we are doing with the truth. Are we making the problem clear? Or are we enjoying the chance to humiliate someone?
When a personal conversation is appropriate, telling a friend a hard truth takes care, humility, and a willingness to listen. Before choosing our words, we need to ask whether we still see a person worth loving when we have something difficult to say.
Let repentance reach the next conversation
James says that no human being can tame the tongue (James 3:7–8). That should unsettle our confidence in a quick technique. It does not give us permission to shrug and carry on. The same letter tells us to receive God’s word humbly and do what it says (James 1:19–25).
Begin with the words you actually used. Confess them to God without shrinking them into “a bit of banter” if you know you were being cruel. First John 1:8–2:2 joins honesty about our sin to the forgiveness found in Jesus Christ, our advocate and atoning sacrifice. We turn to Him with the wrong we have done. We do not have to excuse it to find mercy.
Where you owe an apology, make it plain: “I made you the joke. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.” If you spread something false, correct it with the people you misled. Give the person room to respond; an apology does not entitle us to immediate reassurance or restored trust.
Then notice the setting in which the habit gathers strength. Perhaps it is a particular conversation in which contempt wins approval. Before adding the next remark, remember James’s reason: this person is made in God’s likeness. That pause may lead you to leave the joke unsaid, correct a false claim, or name the concern without the insult.
Paul also gives our speech something useful to do: build up the person in need and bring grace to those listening (Ephesians 4:29). A fair account, honest encouragement, or necessary warning spoken with care can serve that purpose.
The person we speak about may never hear our prayer or our conversation. God hears both. Let the praise we offer Him teach us to honour the people He made.
Reading and inspiration
Read James 3, James 1:19–27, Ephesians 4:17–32, and 1 John 1:5–2:6. Scripture quotations are from the Berean Standard Bible, a public-domain translation.
This original article was prompted by Sinclair Ferguson’s message “The Tongue, the Bridle, and the Blessing: An Exposition of James 3:1–12”, given at the Desiring God 2008 National Conference on September 26, 2008.