You can begin by asking God for that person’s good, being honest where it hurts. You don’t have to wait until every trace of jealousy is gone before you start praying. But you do have to be prepared for the prayer to challenge what you want for them.
In 3 John, the elder writes to a friend called Gaius. His greeting is unusually probing if someone else’s good news has been hard to stomach:
“Beloved, I pray that in every way you may prosper and enjoy good health, as your soul also prospers.” 3 John 2, BSB
John can welcome his friend’s flourishing without putting himself at the centre of it. That gives us somewhere to start.
Let their good be good
John has heard that his friend Gaius is faithful to the truth. Believers on the road have brought back a good report and John is delighted. We learn later in the letter what some of this faithfulness looks like; Gaius has welcomed and supported fellow believers who were strangers to him.
John cares about this man’s life with God and also prays for his health and well-being. He doesn’t need to cut Gaius’s happiness down to size to make way for his own.
A friend might let you know they’ve been offered the job you hoped to get. You’re disappointed, but it’s possible to make a second move from ‘I wanted that’ to ‘I wish they hadn’t got it’. That is where another person’s good begins to feel like an offence against you.
Their news does not answer the question of your worth, nor does it tell you whom God loves more. You can name the good in what has happened to them and still wish your own circumstances were different.
Notice what John is asking for
The word “prosper” might pull this verse away from its context. John is writing a prayer for a specific friend and he’s not predicting that all faithful Christians will always be healthy and financially successful. Gaius’s soul has already been described as prospering by John as he prays for his overall well-being.
It’s a warm and personal request. We can learn to make requests like it: for a friend to do well in a new role, have wisdom with new responsibilities and enjoy the good that has come to them.
That doesn’t require calling every success good. John’s letter also addresses Diotrephes, whose desire to be first is expressed through slander and shutting others out (3 John 9–11). The letter which rejoices in Gaius’s faithfulness refuses to applaud harmful conduct. If someone has moved up through dishonesty, concern about that wrong deserves an honest hearing.
Make room for sorrow as well as joy
Paul writes “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15, BSB)
Both are fitting in the church and in the surrounding verses Paul describes genuine love – honouring one another, patience, hope, prayer and hospitality. He teaches a community how to share life - there’s space both for the person bringing the happy news, and for the person whose own disappointment has become acutely sharp.
Sadness isn’t always envy. You might wish your friend to do well but still need to cry over the opportunity you have missed. You don’t have to accuse yourself of wishing them ill just because their news brings your own longing into view.
Ask a more particular question - am I grieving this lack, or am I hoping they lose what they have? They can easily be entangled together. Naming them honestly gives you something real to bring to God.
You can thank your friend for letting you know, ask about the new job, congratulate them without pretending your week has been easy. Later, you may need to talk to someone you trust about your disappointment. Loving your friend doesn’t require making them responsible for resolving it.
Pray without bargaining
Try praying for the person by name, about the good in front of you. For the friend with the new job, you might pray:
“Father, thank you for this opportunity for my friend. Help them work with honesty and wisdom. I wanted this too, and I’m disappointed. Forgive me where I’ve resented their happiness. Help me seek their good and care for me in my disappointment. Amen.”
These are words to adapt, not a formula. You may have something else to confess, or no resentment to confess at all. Tell the truth.
Now look for a small way to support the good you have prayed for. Remember when they start. Ask about how it went. Listen to their answer without turning it into a comparison. You’re free to do something kind before you feel effortlessly generous.
And resist turning that kind act into a bargain - “I celebrated their success, so now God owes me mine.” In Titus 3:3–8, Paul remembers lives marked by envy and hatred, then points to God’s kindness and mercy. We are saved by His mercy and not by the righteous things we have done. Learning to love follows that mercy; it doesn’t buy the outcome we want.
You may need to revisit this same prayer. Today it can be enough to bring your disappointment honestly before God and ask Him to help you care about your friend’s good.
Reading and inspiration
Read 3 John, Romans 12:9–21 and Titus 3:3–8. Scripture quotations are from the Berean Standard Bible, a public-domain translation.
This original reflection was prompted by Alistair Begg’s sermon “Walk in the Truth — Part One”, preached July 20, 2008, available via Truth For Life. Further reading: Nancy Lammers Gross’s commentary on Romans 12:9–21.